Oh Thank Goodness… It’s Normal

 


By Niki Gent – Mum of Four, Grandma of Two, Survivor of Bedtimes Everywhere

There are moments in parenting where you look around and think:

Surely… this can’t be normal.

The toddler lying face down in Woolworths because you bought the wrong yoghurt.
The preschooler who sobs because their toast was “cut the wrong way.”
The eight-year-old who forgets everything except Minecraft.
The teenager who communicates exclusively in grunts and fridge visits.

And somewhere in the chaos, you whisper:

“Am I completely messing this up?”

Let me tell you something I wish someone had told me when I was deep in the trenches of raising four children:

Oh thank goodness… it’s normal.

The Great Toast Crisis of 1995

I once made toast “incorrectly.”

Not burnt.
Not raw.
Just… diagonally sliced instead of straight.

You would have thought I’d committed a crime against humanity.

Tears.
Screaming.
“I CAN’T EAT THIS.”
Existential despair.

I remember standing in the kitchen thinking, How will this child survive adulthood if toast is their breaking point?

Fast forward 20 years.

That same child now runs has a lovely partner, is a fire fighter, and has never once phoned me in distress about toast orientation.

They got there.

The Night I Cried in the Laundry

No one tells you about the laundry tears.

The nights when everyone is finally asleep and you sit on the floor between the washing baskets and wonder if you are enough.

When one child is anxious.
One is angry (my youngest, the one in the photo above, my baby).
One is sensitive (my first born, now in his 30's).
One who won't sit still (the princess, and still is)

One is pushing every boundary known to humankind (back to the one with the toast not surprisingly).


And you think:

Other families look calmer.
Other mums seem more patient.
Other children don’t shout “I hate you.”

But here’s what I know now — as a grandmother watching it all from the other side:

Every child is a nervous system under construction.

And construction sites are messy.

The Lies We Believe

We believe:

  • Good parents have obedient children.

  • Calm homes equal successful parenting.

  • If our child struggles, we’ve failed.

None of that is true.

Children melt down because their brains are still wiring.
They push boundaries because they’re learning power.
They cling because they feel safest with you.
They fall apart at home because home is their safe place.

The fact that they unravel with you?
That’s not a failure.

That’s attachment.

The Teen Years (Yes, They’re Normal Too)

There was a phase where one of mine barely spoke unless it was to correct me.

Another (actually maybe them all) who was certain I knew absolutely nothing about the modern world.

One who slammed doors with Olympic-level precision.

I worried constantly:
Will they be kind?
Will they be resilient?
Will they be okay?

Here’s what I discovered:

Under the eye rolls and dramatic sighs were beautiful, developing humans.
They were testing independence, not rejecting love.

And one day — without announcement — they softened.

They came back.

They always come back.

Now I’m a Grandma

And oh… what perspective does.

I watch my own children parent now.

I see the tired eyes.
The second-guessing.
The “Is this normal?” texts.

And I smile.

Because I’ve seen the whole arc.

The toddler who bit? Now empathetic.
The teen who argued? Now thoughtful.
The sensitive one? Deeply compassionate.
The strong-willed one? A leader.

They all got there.

Not perfectly.
Not without tears.
Not without mistakes.

But they got there.

Here’s What I Know For Sure

You will lose your patience sometimes.
You will say the wrong thing sometimes.
You will lie in bed replaying the day.

But love — consistent, imperfect, stubborn love — builds adults.

You don’t need to be flawless.
You need to be present.
Repair when you mess up.
Stay steady when they wobble.
Hold the boundary.
Hold the hug.

Childhood feels endless when you’re in it.

But one day, you’ll be standing in your kitchen, watching your grown child make toast for their toddler — and you’ll think:

Oh thank goodness.

It was normal.

And they got there.

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