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Why Kids Need to Know It Is Okay to Lose (Even If They React Like They Have Been Personally Betrayed)

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  There are some moments in parenting when you realise your child is not simply competitive. They are emotionally invested in a way that suggests the outcome of Uno will determine the future of the free world. They have one card left. You place down your final card. You say, “Uno!” And suddenly you are standing in the kitchen while a small person looks at you as though you have committed an unforgivable act. “You CHEATED.” “I did not cheat.” “You always win.” “I have won exactly once.” “I am never playing this game again.” And there it is: the important life lesson nobody enjoys in the moment. Sometimes you lose. Sometimes your sibling gets the last piece of cake. Sometimes your team does not win. Sometimes the claw machine takes your $4 and gives you absolutely nothing except a growing distrust of capitalism. And learning to cope with that is an important part of growing up. Losing feels big when you are little For children, losing can feel genuinely enormous. They may not yet hav...
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Why Party Foods Are Okay at Kids’ Parties (And Why I’m Not Coming Unless There Is Fairy Bread)

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  There are some things in life that should be non-negotiable. Seatbelts. Sunscreen. A responsible adult knowing where the children are. And fairy bread at a child’s birthday party. I said what I said. A kids’ party without fairy bread is not necessarily a bad party. But it does raise questions. Important questions. Like: where are the triangles? Where are the hundreds and thousands? Why has someone served a grazing platter that looks like it belongs at a corporate retreat? Children’s parties are meant to be a little bit magical. They are allowed to include bright icing, sausage rolls, party pies, cupcakes with more sprinkles than structural integrity and a lolly bag that will mysteriously disappear before anyone gets back into the car. And yes—party food is okay. It is one party, not a lifestyle Somewhere along the way, parties became stressful. Parents are now expected to organise food that is fun, healthy, allergy-aware, Instagram-worthy, low-mess, low-sugar, high-protein, natur...
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When the Report Does Not Say What You Hoped It Would Say

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  Paying for a professional report can feel like a big step. Whether it is prepared by an allied health professional, consultant or family service provider, people often seek a report because they are looking for clarity, progress or support for an important decision. When a report does not recommend the outcome someone hoped for, it can feel deeply disappointing. Sometimes it can feel unfair. Recently, we worked with a family who had made progress in their supervised access arrangements. Understandably, everyone wanted to see the family move forward. No parent wants their time with their child to remain supervised, and no child wants their family relationships to feel formal, observed or restricted. Supervised access is not a natural long-term arrangement for children or families. At Family and Child Consultants, we want to do ourselves out of a job. The best outcome is always for a family to build the safety, trust, consistency and capacity needed so supervision is no longer requ...
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When “I’m Bored” Really Means “Please Entertain Me Like a Cruise Director”

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  There comes a point in parenting when you realise your child believes you are not simply their parent. You are apparently also the activities coordinator, snack provider, referee, chauffeur, tech support, emotional-regulation coach and—when required—a full-time cruise director. “I'm bored.” It is a sentence capable of appearing within approximately 14 seconds of a child finishing breakfast. They may have a bedroom full of toys, a backyard, craft supplies, Lego, books, bikes and an entire collection of things they personally insisted they needed three days ago. Yet somehow, they are standing directly in front of you, sighing heavily, waiting for you to produce an unforgettable day of entertainment. And while it is tempting to reply, “Hi Bored, I’m Mum,” the truth is that boredom is not always a bad thing. In fact, learning how to move through boredom can be an important part of children developing creativity, confidence, problem-solving skills and independent play. First, let’s ...
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What Three Women in the Back Corner of a CrossFit Gym Reminded Me About Kindness

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  This week, I went to the gym. That sentence makes me sound significantly more athletic than the rest of this blog is going to demonstrate. I attend an amazing CrossFit gym in Adelaide called Soul. The trainers are fantastic, the community is incredible, and there is a group of women there who probably do more for me each week than they realise. But before we go any further, let's establish something important. I am shit at CrossFit. There is absolutely no inspirational transformation story coming where I reveal that underneath it all I'm secretly an elite athlete. I'm slow. I don't lift heavy. A large percentage of the time I have absolutely no idea what is going on. I can't keep count of my reps. My concentration span is considerably shorter than a 10-minute AMRAP. And, to be completely transparent, it took me about six months to work out what AMRAP even meant. Apparently it means “as many rounds/reps as possible.” Who knew? Probably everybody except me. Yet fiv...
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