How Do We Tell Our Children We Are Splitting? Gentle Guidance for Heartbroken Families


 Few moments in family life are as heartbreaking as telling your children that you are separating. The words themselves are hard, but it’s what comes next—how you treat and respect each other—that shapes your children’s sense of safety and love.

The Conversation: Gentle Honesty

Start with simple, age-appropriate honesty. You might say:
  • “Mum and Dad have decided not to live together anymore, but we both love you very much.”
  • “We’re going to live in different houses, but you will always have both of us.”
  • “This isn’t your fault. Grown-ups sometimes make big decisions, but we are both here for you.”
Let children ask questions, and answer gently. It’s okay not to have all the answers—what matters most is that they feel heard and supported.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Telling your children is just the beginning. The real message comes from what they see and feel in the weeks and months that follow. Too often, we see parents say, “I respect your mum/dad,” but their behaviour tells a different story. Kids notice when:
  • Parents speak badly about each other
  • Arguments happen in front of them
  • Promises to “work together” fall apart in daily life
But they also notice when:
  • Parents cooperate on school events, birthdays, and routines
  • Differences are managed respectfully, even in tough moments
  • Each parent encourages a loving relationship with the other

The Lasting Lesson

The way you treat your co-parent after separation teaches your child about:
  • Respect and kindness, even when it’s hard
  • How to handle disappointment and conflict
  • What healthy boundaries and forgiveness look like

Gentle Kindness in Tough Times

Remember, it’s normal for everyone to feel upset or angry. No one gets it perfect. Emotions run high and mistakes happen. What matters is how you handle those feelings and how you treat each other. Every moment is a chance to model the values you want your child to carry into their own relationships. When you show respect, patience, and care for your co-parent, you’re giving your child a gift that lasts a lifetime.

A Message of Hope

Splitting up is never easy, but it can be a chance to show your children what respect, kindness, and courage look like. 

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