When Your Child Becomes Violent: What Every Family Needs to Know


 

By Niki Gent

Let’s talk about something that’s becoming far too common, but still so hard for families to admit: what do you do when your own child becomes violent at home?
This isn’t just about a bit of backchat or teenage attitude. I’m talking about real, frightening aggression—kids who are lashing out, breaking things, threatening siblings or parents, and making home feel unsafe. It can happen to any family, in any community. And it’s happening more and more.

A Family’s Story: When Crisis Hits Home

Recently, we worked with a family who reached out in absolute crisis. Their teenage son, “James,” had started with angry outbursts and property damage. Over time, things escalated—he threatened his mum, physically hurt his younger brother, and left everyone in the house terrified. Despite the parents’ best efforts to set boundaries and get help, James’s behaviour kept spiralling. Eventually, things became so serious that the police were called and James ended up in juvenile detention for terrorising his own family.
This family did everything right: they sought help early, they tried to stay compassionate, they didn’t give up on their son. But the truth is, sometimes love alone isn’t enough to keep everyone safe.

What Should You Do?

1. Don’t Excuse the Behaviour
It’s natural to want to protect your child, to make excuses (“He’s just stressed,” “She’s having a hard time at school,” “It’s the hormones”). But violence is never okay. Excusing it—no matter how much you love them—puts everyone at risk and sends the wrong message.
2. Keep Loving Them—But Set Clear Boundaries
Your child needs to know that your love isn’t conditional. But love doesn’t mean letting them get away with hurting others. Consequences are not the opposite of love—they’re proof of it. Be clear: “I love you, but I cannot let you hurt people or destroy our home.”
3. Bring in Support Early
Don’t wait until things reach crisis point. Reach out to professionals—counsellors, trauma specialists, crisis teams—sooner rather than later. Sometimes, having an outside voice can help break the cycle and give everyone in the family the support they need.
4. Consequences Matter
If your child’s behaviour crosses the line into crime—violence, threats, property damage—there must be consequences. That might mean police involvement, or even time away from home. This is not about punishment for punishment’s sake, but about safety and accountability.
5. Take Care of Yourself and the Rest of the Family
Living with violence is traumatic. Make sure everyone—including you—has access to support. It’s not selfish to look after your own wellbeing. It’s necessary.

Stern but Fair—Loved but Not Excused

It’s one of the hardest things you’ll ever face as a parent: holding your child accountable, even when it hurts. But it’s also one of the most important. Kids need to know that love is unwavering, but so are boundaries. They need to see that their actions have real consequences, and that violence will never be tolerated in your family.
If you’re going through this right now, you’re not alone. Reach out. Ask for help. Things can get better, but only when we stop excusing the behaviour and start taking real, loving action.
If your family is in crisis, Family and Child Consultants is here to help—no judgement, just real support. Reach out anytime.



Niki Gent is an award-winning trauma-informed expert with decades of experience supporting families, children, and professionals across Australia. Renowned for her compassionate, evidence-based approach, Niki has worked with individuals and organisations in some of the country’s most challenging environments—helping families heal, rebuild, and thrive. As the founder of Family and Child Consultants, Niki delivers high-impact training, crisis support, and therapy services nationwide. Her work has been recognised for setting new standards in trauma-informed care, and her leadership continues to inspire both her clients and her peers. Whether she’s guiding a family through crisis, training a team of professionals, or advocating for better outcomes at a national level, Niki brings wisdom, warmth, and unwavering commitment to every role she takes on.

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