Not Every Fight Is Yours — And That’s Okay

 


Not Every Fight Is Yours — And That’s Okay

By Niki Gent

In the helping professions — especially in trauma-informed work — many of us carry a deep drive to protect, to challenge injustice, and to speak out. It’s what makes us good at what we do. We see pain, we lean in. We see power being misused, we speak up. We see systems failing people, and we want to burn them down and rebuild something better.

But there’s a quiet truth I had to learn the hard way:
Not every fight is mine. And not every fight is yours.
And that doesn’t mean we don’t care. It means we’ve learned to care wisely.

I used to think that if I didn’t fight everything, I was part of the problem. I’d carry every injustice I saw — in child protection, in healthcare, in family violence services, in schools, in policies. I’d argue, advocate, intervene, challenge. I was fuelled by purpose, but I was also running on adrenaline and outrage.

Until I burnt out.
Until I found myself jaded, exhausted, and not showing up as my best self for the people who needed me most.

Because here’s the thing: If you try to fight every battle, you’ll lose the war.
You’ll be depleted. You’ll start resenting the work. You’ll numb out, or worse, disengage entirely. And the people you’re trying to protect will feel that in your energy.

So what does it look like to choose your battles with intention?

🔍 1. Know Your Purpose

Ask yourself:

  • “Is this my role in this moment?”

  • “Am I the best person to fight this battle?”

  • “Am I fighting this because of my values — or because I feel guilty?”

Sometimes, advocacy means amplifying someone else’s voice, not taking the microphone ourselves. Sometimes, it means connecting a client to legal support instead of trying to fix the legal system on our own.

🧭 2. Recognise When It’s Time to Step Back

You’re allowed to say:

  • “I can’t take this on today.”

  • “This is important, but it’s not in my scope.”

  • “I’ll hand this over to someone better placed to respond.”

That’s not neglect — it’s strategy. It allows you to stay in the fight longer because you’re not spreading yourself across everything and diluting your effectiveness.

🧠 3. Understand Your Triggers

Many of us are drawn to this work because of our own lived experience. That gives us power, insight, and empathy — but it can also make it hard to separate what’s ours from what’s theirs.

Ask yourself:

  • “Is this fight activating an old wound for me?”

  • “Am I fighting for the client — or against something from my past?”

Sometimes, the most helpful thing we can do is pause, reflect, and process our own stuff before we jump in.

❤️ 4. Lead By Example, Not Exhaustion

You don’t teach people how to resist injustice by burning out.
You teach them by showing what sustainable resistance looks like.
By having boundaries. By saying no when needed. By modelling self-care. By using your voice with power, not panic.

You don’t need to take on the world to make a difference. You just need to know where you can be most useful, most grounded, and most present.

🌊 5. Let Others Take the Lead Sometimes

There is power in community. There is strength in shared action. You are not the only one holding the line. And if it feels like you are — that’s a sign that something needs to shift.

Let others rise. Step back when needed. Trust that the movement will continue, even without you steering it every day.

Not every fight is yours — and that’s okay.
Because when you choose your battles with wisdom, you protect your ability to keep showing up — fully, fiercely, and for the long haul.

And that’s how real change happens.
Not through martyrdom. Through momentum.


About the Author,

Niki has worked in Child Protection, Family Law, Juvenile Justice and NDIS for over 20 years.  Having worked extensively with families, government departments, not for profits and privately owned large and small businesses, Niki understands the needs of families, the pressures of compliance, quality and sustainability, and the need to work smart, be resilient, and know who we work for and who we work with.


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