You Don’t Need to Be Fixed — You Need to Be Heard

 




You Don’t Need to Be Fixed — You Need to Be Heard

By Niki Gent

There’s a quiet belief many people carry when they walk into their first session — whether it's therapy, coaching, or case management. It’s not always said out loud, but it shows up in body language, hesitation, and the way they brace themselves before speaking.

The belief is: “Something is wrong with me.”

And behind that, an even more painful thought: “I need to be fixed.”

I want to say this as clearly as I can — to the clients I sit with, to the professionals I train, and even to my younger self who once thought healing meant perfection:

You do not need to be fixed.
You need to be heard.

You need to be met exactly where you are — not with judgment, not with advice, but with deep, respectful presence. You need someone who doesn’t rush to explain away your pain. Someone who won’t respond with clichés or “at leasts.” Someone who sees your humanity before they see your behaviours.

The truth is, many of us have internalised the idea that we are “too much” — too emotional, too reactive, too slow to get over things. We apologise for crying, for struggling, even for needing support at all.

But struggling is not a flaw. It is a human experience. And needing help is not a weakness — it’s a biological, social, and emotional reality. We are not meant to heal alone.

When we try to “fix” people — with over-simplified solutions, rigid timelines, or a focus on outcomes over process — we risk sending the message that they are broken. And when someone feels broken, they don’t engage. They perform. They mask. They shut down.

But when someone feels heard — truly heard — something begins to shift. Their nervous system relaxes. Their story unfolds. And most importantly, they begin to feel safe enough to change at their own pace.

I’ve sat with people who haven’t spoken to anyone in years. I’ve heard truths that have never been voiced aloud. And I’ve watched people come back into themselves not because I gave them advice — but because I gave them space.

Here’s what I believe:
People don’t come to us to be told who they are.
They come to us to rediscover who they are, underneath the trauma, the roles, the survival mode.

Our job — whether we are therapists, support workers, managers, or peers — is not to fix people. It’s to create the kind of connection that allows people to fix what's been done to them.

And that starts with listening.
Not the kind of listening where you’re waiting for your turn to talk.
The kind where you’re leaning in with your whole body — saying with your presence: “I’m not here to change you. I’m here to walk with you.”

Because healing doesn’t come from being corrected.
It comes from being seen.


About the Author

Niki has worked in Child Protection, Family Law, Juvenile Justice and NDIS for over 20 years.  Having worked extensively with families, government departments, not for profits and privately owned large and small businesses, Niki understands the needs of families, the pressures of compliance, quality and sustainability, and the need to work smart, be resilient, and know who we work for and who we work with.


 


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