What I’ve Learned About Leadership from Sitting in Silence With People in Crisis

 



What I’ve Learned About Leadership from Sitting in Silence With People in Crisis

By Niki Gent

In this work, I’ve sat with people during their darkest hours — in crisis meetings, hospital rooms, after disclosure, in the aftermath of grief. I’ve witnessed unbearable pain that had no language. And I’ve come to understand something very clearly: real leadership is forged in silence, not speeches.

It’s in those heavy, unspoken moments — when there are no solutions, no quick fixes, no perfect words — that we see who we really are as leaders. Because when someone is falling apart in front of you, and all your training disappears, and there’s nothing left to offer but your presence — what you choose to do next is leadership.

Too often, we think leadership is about having the answer, setting the vision, taking control. And yes, those things matter. But the most transformational leaders I’ve known are the ones who can sit in the discomfort of not knowing. Who don’t interrupt someone’s breakdown to fix it, but instead hold space for the person to feel seen.

In crisis, people don’t remember what you said. They remember how you made them feel. Did you rush them? Judge them? Change the subject? Or did you pause? Did you breathe with them? Did you say, “I’m here” and mean it?

What I’ve learned is that silence isn’t empty. It’s full of respect. Full of trust. Full of nervous systems recalibrating because someone is finally safe enough to fall apart.

The same lessons apply to leading teams. When your staff member is on the verge of burnout, or a mistake has happened, or someone finally speaks up about something unsafe — you don’t need the perfect script. You need to stop, listen, and lean in.

Leadership in crisis means:

  • Choosing presence over performance

  • Being okay with mess before clarity comes

  • Knowing when to speak and when to simply stay

  • Allowing discomfort, so growth can begin

It also means building a culture where silence isn’t feared. Where it’s okay to pause before responding. Where people are trusted to share when they’re ready. Where no one is punished for breaking.

I used to think that being a strong leader meant always knowing what to do. But what I know now is that strength is in staying with the uncomfortable moments. Not fixing them. Not glossing over them. Just staying.

Because sometimes, the most powerful thing you can say is nothing. Just sit beside someone and let them know they don’t have to carry it alone.

About the Author,

Niki has worked in Child Protection, Family Law, Juvenile Justice and NDIS for over 20 years.  Having worked extensively with families, government departments, not for profits and privately owned large and small businesses, Niki understands the needs of families, the pressures of compliance, quality and sustainability, and the need to work smart, be resilient, and know who we work for and who we work with.


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