What Happens When You Finally Listen to Your Body

 

Last night, a terrible thing happened.

 

2 Police Officers in Queensland, just doing their job, were killed.  

 

As hard as it is to process all the negative things happening in the world as an adult, it’s even more challenging for children. That’s where parents come in.  Children look to their parents to help them make sense of the world around them and when bad things happen, kids take their cues from their parents, and they look to us as models to help them gauge how they should process or cope with difficult information.

 

Talking to children about the news is an important way to educate them, normalize feelings, help them feel safe and inspire them to take positive action.  Discussing difficult national and world events often provides key opportunities for parents to reaffirm family values with their children. 

 

Many difficult events create tangible opportunities to discuss important societal issues that transcend individual events ― such as inequality, resource insecurity, discrimination and injustice.

 

But do kids need to know about every single flood, shooting, political uprising or other type of upsetting event? 

 

If it’s big enough or affects everyday life, definitely talk about it.

Many global, national or local news events are unavoidable topics, so parents should be the first source for their children to hear about these things and help them digest what is happening.

 

There are major news events like last nights  police shooting  and there are things like the Black Lives Matter movement and the death of George Floyd that might be talked about at a young age in school, on the playground or on social media. When something is happening and not being talked about at home, it creates more uncertainty and anxiety for kids because they are attuned and know something is going on but we’re not talking about it.

 

Because parents know their children best, they’re the optimal sources for sharing this kind of information, setting the context and discussing the emotions involved in processing it.  Child-to-child news sharing is often filled with misunderstandings, rumors and large gaps in the real, essential information. There is far more control when discussions are held at home.

 

Kids may also overhear adults talking about something or see a glimpse on TV, which can also lead to incomplete information and incorrect assumptions. Parents need to get ahead of that to avoid psychological repercussions.

 

Parents may be tempted to avoid discussing difficult world events in an effort to not upset their children but avoiding these topics also communicates to children that difficult events are ‘too big’ or ‘too scary’ or ‘too dangerous’ to even talk about.

 

 

 

Sometimes, it’s OK not to share.

Consuming all of the information and feeling like you have to check where was the latest disaster without providing some room to breathe can actually cause more stress and anxiety. 

 

It’s like you’re carrying this backpack of information around at this time, and you have to put it down. The same goes for what information you’re telling your children about. Sometimes you have to disengage or discuss events more broadly without going into every individual situation.

 

The decision of whether to tell your child about a bad news event should be based on a number of factors. Age and temperament are big ones.

 

Preschool children have far fewer cognitive and emotional abilities for understanding unprecedented and upsetting world events compared with third or fourth graders.  You also want to consider your child’s unique temperament. Anxious children can get easily overwhelmed by such news and will have a hard time shutting down or compartmentalizing their thoughts and emotions when it’s time to do schoolwork or play.  

 

 

Be strategic about timing.

If you decide to talk to your child about something bad happening in the news, be strategic about the timing of the conversation.  Make sure there is ample time to discuss questions they may have, or to talk through their concerns with them.

 

It is often helpful for parents to let their children know that they themselves are deeply troubled by a difficult world event and depending on the situation, it’s often fine to cry. But if a parent cannot get through a sentence without sobbing, yelling or displaying uncontrollable emotion, it’s probably not the right time to have the conversation.

 

Check in with yourself and take the time to process your feelings before talking to your children. You’ll set the emotional tone for the conversation.

 

 

Limit media exposure.

To whatever extent possible, avoid exposing children to excessive media coverage of difficult world events. Research finds that excessive exposure to disasters and other difficult new events is associated with significant mental health problems in children. Such coverage can be overly dramatic and unnecessarily alarming. And wall-to-wall coverage of an event rarely offers any new information, beyond what can be learned in the first minute of coverage.

 

Parents should also pay attention to their children’s exposure to social media posts about news events and other online coverage, which can include more graphic accounts and a lot of misinformation. 

 

Fear and anxiety come from the unknown.  With all the sources of news floating into our kids’ heads confusing them and making them more fearful, having a reliable source that can be trusted for the facts helps young people cut through all the noise they hear otherwise.

 

Be open and reassuring.

 

Parents should listen while comforting. Children might be afraid or ask if this will happen to them. Help them cope with their worries and them feel in control of these situations. Put it all in context for them. Explain the big picture, remind your child there is more good than bad in this world, and give examples of the good.

 

Parents should also encourage their children to share their feelings, help them name their emotions and reassure them that it’s normal and OK to feel that way. Foster a judgment-free zone.

 

Always end the discussion of bad news with the strong statements like, ‘Your parents are here to always protect you,’ ‘Our home, community and family is safe,’ or, ‘That’s our primary, fundamental job as parents ― to make you safe!’

Importantly parents - hang in there!  Remember you are raising children who will change the world..... because let's face it....we don't have much choice.